(not) alone in the dark

Listening True worshippers "pujian termulia", it's great to have great God, a perfect friend

IRON MAN 2 was awesome, even I was too sleepy to watch and almost got asleep in the middle in the movie. But the atmosphere that I got is no more than uncomfortable. I went home with my friends and then I met some of my other friends, I talked a bit with them and then my IRON MAN 2-movie friends all gone. Well, I just go with my friends that I just met, not long after that, they decided to eat somewhere and I prefer to walk home alone.

I was smiling on my way to condo, I don't know what kind of reaction is that but it wasn't me. I was thinking about me being mean, arrogant, and rude person. It's like I have this alter ego. strong outside but fragile inside, that's what I define myself. I arrived at condo and took shower, and then God spoke to me

"Denny, I want you to be alone, so that you stick with me more and more, and so that you're not too attached with this world. Come to me, I'm your true friend."

I had been so numb of rejections actually and that's what making me stronger, to have God in my life. Maybe what's happened tonight was so simple, everybody could forget about it in an instant, but for me tonight is a real lesson in me. He wants me not focus in this world, cause He is a jealous God and knowing that, I feel so grateful. (T.T can't hold it anymore)

another grateful thoughts

Actually there are a lot of things that we can be grateful for everyday. For today, I was so grateful for having a chance resting after a load of works to do the day before, having domino pizza as lunch, chatting with some of my friends via blackberry, having quality time with my bro, having chessecake with my mentee and friend.

but actually, being grateful is not only about those things only, the things that you realize, like moments. You can be grateful for water that you can drink, the air that you breathe, your safety throughout the day, your parents, your friends, and so on.

and lastly you can be grateful for things that you consider it as misfortune, sometimes you eyes were closed tightly to see that is somethings that you can be grateful for.

For example is my story about the preparation of my last event, "Shine Like Stars", well there are many problems that we got there, from lack of funds to lack of preparation, but I can be grateful for that, many people in the team had the chance to get process from all the problems, so we won't be empty handed when we have finished the event. Even by the end of the event, God gave us bonus for us to fulfill all our needs.

I'm learning to be grateful more and more, to be more humble, so that what I get and capable of doing everyday is not because of me but because of His love. Have grateful days!

buns

it's been long since I know the story of buns, In my second year, my chief mentor ever told a very short story about buns. So here it is:

"There is a man who were very hungry and haven't eaten for a couple days. On his way, he met a bun stall. He asked for a bun, then the man gave him the bun. He ate it like it was the most delicious food he ever eaten. But it didn't enough, so he asked for another bun. Then the man gave him another bun for him to eat, because he was pity on him. But still he was so hungry then he asked for more, until the seventh bun, then he felt full and gave his thanks to the owner."

The point that we can get there was he won't be satisfied if he only eat three or four buns. There won't be the the seventh bun if there is no the third or four buns. So, the same as us, don't get dissapointed if we only be the second or fourth bun to get someone for Jesus, we had already do our part, let God choose another bun for them so that they can be satisfied. We can only pray for them so that they can be bun to other people. =]

love in me VS self center

today is life group day, everyone made their own huddle group to share each other, and today I was with Lukas and Winer. Well, it's a great group because, we can speak freely speak Bahasa Indonesia!!!!! Just kidding, I wonder why I write this blog in English, but it doesn't matter.

There was a lot of experiences and thoughts that we shared. Knowing each other is a great part of my day today. It was a tired day for me after finished our evaluation meeting with team, but sharing is really a medicine to wake me up. Well, in a part of our conversation, I was thinking about God as love and He is in me. Means I'm love. How people can see God in me. We were talked a bit about it at that time. Sometimes people struggled to be more God-like, to be looked better by other people. Probably in the beggining, we have those positive thoughts to be a better man, but there's also a possibilities for us to be trapped in our own mindset and when we realized, we are already become a self-centered person. We want to looked better for our own sake, so people can value us good, not because of God they see, but because they see you.

That's why I pray, "God give me process that you want to give to me, for me to be more like you. Don't give me an instant way to achieve that, but give me a hard one. Make me more and more humble, so that you can be seen in me. Give me pure heart so that I can show people that it is you in me. I don't want them to see me pretending to be you because it will mislead them, but my longing is to see people around me to see You in the right way, so that more people will believe in You and think the same way as I am. Thanks Lord, in the name of Lord Jesus I pray, Amen.

shine like stars

It's day minus several hours before the event

Me and my team is still in the basketball court doing the decoration and simulation for the day
We can see sweat and oil on their faces
If they can say, they might say, "can I go home?"
But they don't and pretend that they're okay
Well, even there are some faces that we don't see tonight
It doesn't reduce their spirit

Well, it's been 3 months since we started this preparation and many processes that we have gone through
Many problems that we have solved together
Emotion and tears that we used to pay for this 9 hours of events

I'm so grateful for some of our team really got the spirit of excellence
We don't use our own strength to accomplish this mission
satisfaction for me to see many people relying on God
and hope that their pray, fasting, and struggle will get a good result tomorrow

My prayer for them to be healthy, a new spirit in the morning and keep on relying on God
Keep shining like stars!

The Problem is me

Sometimes we knew that our friend talking bad about us behind our back

but they're still my friend

We often felt that our friend are too busy and they don't care about us
but they're still our friend

Our friend sometimes ignored us, we were not considered at all

although clearly we are in the same place with them

but they're still our friend

They contact us if they really need us

If we are not required, they won't look for us

but they're still our friend

We often gave them what we can do for them

But they don't understand

We gave them most of our time

We gave them our attentions

but what in return? ZERO

Sometimes we were dissapointed for that

We got depressed and tired of being alone

We need them but they couldn't be there for us

even sometimes they made it worse

But actually..... the problem is in whom?

the problem is not in them

but in ourself
CAN WE accept and forgive them who had already being mean to us?

CAN WE accept that we already treat them right but they did the opposite to us?
and also CAN WE still be good to them even we know that they don't even care about it?

Human, we cannot expect much from this world

but expect much from our GOD

Human may hurt us, but not HIM

He is love and to face this world, we need HIS love

unconditional love

So don't blame other for our pain, but let's ask for His heart so that we can accept it as the way it is

Climb

It's like climbing on the wall, it's not sure that you will go upward smoothly, sometimes you can get tired and stop or you may fall down a bit and start climbing again.