see the world

today is the last training day for easter's choir

almost all came to prepare for their best performance
to worship God who rise this day 2000 years ago
yea, many people, each of them with each personality
with each flaw and each strength
some may irritating and some may encouraging

and in one point I felt like I couldn't control my emotion

but somehow I let God help me through it with deep understanding

a new lesson for today

do you have people around you who always have a negative thinking?

looking at you like he's the best

try correcting all that you say and every argument that comes out from your mouth

do you have people around you who always put more oil into the frying pan?

helping you to make a false respond

try conforming that you are in the most just position

do you have people around you who always talk about God?

but behind that, their life is far away from His standard

try influencing many people with their proud understanding

that's the world

for me witnessing all that is another privilege

why?

some people may fall in their own way

countering all discomforts given

listening to all misleading whisper

and making a bad respond

well, let me tell you something

God put those people around you so that you may get fast process

how we can stay in silence when we have the opportunity to fight back

how we should learn to love when we were detested

let it be your character, let them see and let God work using your life towards them

how we can think how people's words sometimes may delude

because they talk what based on experience, not based on the words

let us rely on His words alone

imagine this world is filled with people of great character alone

this place would not be a great place to learn

nothing to be grateful for

and even me, an imperfect person may be a blessing for other people for being mean

so that they can learn about patience

and God will lead me back because that's my nature

I can't live long in the other side

proverbs 27:17

as iron sharpens iron

so one person sharpens another

see the world

see how vary people are

but the most important is how we respond toward each of them

make a right one!

RELY

It's been a week since I accomplished my work outside the city

I remember very well how I was so afraid to start the job

The first thing I was about to do is looking for a substitution for me, another person who is more capable in doing the job

I doubt myself

I told myself that I couldn't do it

but my own laziness led me to the job myself

I ended up saying "yes" to it

The first task was not really hard, to find companies from the internet, look up their profile and note their address and telephone number

It was easy since I have done it a lot in my university life

but.... the second one

I have to call each of it and make a fixed schedule, from estimating time and conform with all the companies

sounds easy right? how about if I said they all speak Chinese?

my biggest fear since I stepped on this land of Panda

Some of them can understand my Chinese and some of them was struggling to understand

and again my mind said no, I refused to say I can do it

and then came the time when I have to go to the company myself to talk with the managers

the good thing was I could see the field I'm about to work on

the bad thing was only 20% that I could understand

turned me down really bad

Finally the company representatives came and the journey began

cold sweat, shaking, trembling

I used to talked without any other presence, and now I have to translate with the boss' presence

I screwed up few times but most of the times I could translate it well

I lost on the read a few times but finally I can find a way to the companies

I told God I couldn't do it, I was so afraid and almost gave up many times

but he soothed me by saying, "RELY ON ME"

I don't know how far I can do, I don't know what is His plan in my life

When all I can see is darkness, He opened my eyes and helped me through the harsh road

That's what some of us may miss

there are opportunities ahead of us

it's free and the result is worthless, what money can't buy

we felt that we can't we can't and we can't because we're not that good

listen!

no one can calculate their own capabilities

we're so limited, even to know ourselves is so that limited

and only the one who gave the opportunity knows

and we only have to rely on Him

Finally I went home after accompanied them to the airport

I brought back my first salary here and tons of experience

I said to myself that I need not all the money, the opportunity and experience are far enough for me

free expensive food, good accommodation, and extra money couldn't be compared with them

came home with a new perspective, to humble myself, not to rely myself but to rely wholly to Him

Psalm 37:5

Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you

one thing

When you pray for others, for sure there are people there who are praying for you too and God will bless you with tons of process and the key is your respond towards that

beloved son

It's been a busy semester for me, I mean really busy

it's different with the one that I experienced in university, it's not about the university and how to make great event

now, it's all about how to build my future

from test to test, how I survived the business class day by day and today....

is my first day on my job trip as a.... translator

well, I studied Chinese for the past 8 months and I didn't think it's enough for me to accept such an offer

but.... I remember

The pastor from the local church once said that this year is the year of multiplication and promotion

I put my faith in it and did what I have to do to fulfill that

Once I just talked to myself, I need a job here, maybe English teacher or anything simple

but God said no!

it's not about how I can be comfort get money from any easy job

He really doesn't want to waste any time

to have a job and to learn something, to rely on Him, not to rely on my own power

Lately...

God gave me the heart of loving people

prayed, asking so that I can be blessing for more people

and God really put me in that situation

How God put me in somebody's life and work it out

but....

the work of evil is also working towards me

they know we have the fire, we have the spirit that leads us

everyday they tried to mislead me, to look away from the focus that has been given

and now, I don't want to think anything about what's going on

turned on my music player, worshiping God and just stay silent, waiting for Him to speak into me

one thing

in any state, where am I belong right now, one thing that He won't leave me alone, He never pull back His promises to me and now

kicking back all the doubts in me and see from His point of view

I'm ready to work and can't wait to see the end product, after years of process

I'm His beloved son, no matter how far I have gone, He always put me back, to the road where He assign me to walk

not power, just humbling

We are forgiven not because we are making sin, but because we are sinners. I am a sinner, you are a sinner, we are all sinners. These previous days God really put me in a situation where I am in humanly existence can do sin in so many ways, but that's what you call self-centered life once again. I failed in one of my important tests towards my dream education. However, that time God really taught me two ways oh humbling yourself:

1. You're not suppose to be sad, you're suppose to be grateful

an act of being grateful makes you become such a humbling person. It is self denial. Well, I have the option to be sad, to bang my head towards the wall and so on, but I chose to be grateful. I don't want to be sad because that means I'm sad because I can't achieve MY dream. I emphasize the "I" factor in it. I'm being so proud of my own strength and wisdom, then when I fell, I felt so disappointed on myself. God knows more than I do, so by not giving me the chance to pass that tests, He could give me something new to tell, and I just got it.

Jeremiah 17:5

Thus says the Lord:

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord"

2. You can't avoid sin, you know you can't

When I think about sin, I'm thinking about something that I should avoid, something that I can escape from, but actually no! We're human and we still covered by our flesh, that's why we are all sinners. The only way to deal with sin is to be humble. We should realize that we are strength-less towards sin and only God that has the power for us to handle with it. I still remember about the analogy from a book about a person who can't swim. The first time he fell to the water, he'll use his own strength to keep on the surface, but at the same time, the rescuer doesn't have the opportunity to help him, because the one who can't swim has enough strength to beat him. So he'll wait until the almost-sink person to relax a bit and start helping him. The same with us, if we say, we could handle the sin by ourself, God won't help us and that's when we fell for the hundredth times. so just pray to him, I know I'm weak, I can't handle sin by myself and let His power help you through that.

Well, I am also not a perfect person, the same person who keep on learning how to be a humble person. We need a person who knows that all and really understand how it is hard to be humble then start your accountability with him, then you'll see why we all need it.

Promise

It was a great month for me and now we're facing something really bad

BANKRUPTCY

yeah, last month after becoming a tour leader for newcomer

need to go somewhere they have never been before, sheet by sheet of my money spent on something I've been experienced before

Somehow, when I meet Him, I felt something different

I tried so many time to save some money on my wallet and I failed

I always ended up spending a lot

I spoke to God, how should I do, even my tuition money has been used for covering all of it

and He only said this

Dear my loyal son, you don't need to worry what is it in the world, what should you eat and what should you wear, because you can never imagine what I have in the universe

You have been good with me and let me share to you what I have to provide all you need

days by days I've waited, countless calculation I've done to see how much I got left

didn't give up to believe what He said to me before

and suddenly my mother sent me message that said I've transferred this amount of money from Chinese new year

well, it's a lot for me, saved my finance situation a lot here

but, His work didn't stop there....

the next day my mom sent me another message saying that she transferred more money from again... the Chinese new year

if we sum up all of it, it could be the most money I got from Chinese new year

even though I doubt it at first because I'm here in China without my presence in Indonesia

and that's it.... Oh, I forgot something

the next day my father called and said he would send me more money to pay the tuition

let's recall

I said before that I have used my tuition money to cover my deficiency here

and then he'll send me more for it

well I remember something from the Words

Isaiah 48:17-18

Thus says the Lord,

Your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:

"I am the Lord your God,

who teacher you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go.

Oh that you had paid attention to my commandments!

Then your peace would have been like a river,

and your righteousness like the waves of the sea

God has given you promises but there are some tasks that you have to do, to be loyal and humble to Him, then everything will be provided well from Him, because He knows what's best for you! yes, each of you!

a reminder

*I think it's time for me to do small update than giving big update but in random, unexpected times

well, today the same topic came into my mind, about my education and about what am I going to do in my future life

I'm enjoying the day today, watch the newest season of American Idol after one long downloading night and I started with episode 01 - audition in New Jersey

as what I expected as usual, there are people who desperately wanted to go to Hollywood so that he/she could continue the process of becoming an idol

some of them will continue as the judges love their voices and personality and some of them went home, leaving all the dream behind

I point on one girl, 16 years old girl with a good voice

She's counting her age until she could manage to join the American Idol contest and she recorded every special moments till she entered the judges room and finally she got her golden ticket

is there anything special? yes, from my point of view

the last statement from her," this is my time to shine and I'm 16"

there are two "I" points here which show self-centered

time to shine and lastly she stated the young age as self-glorification

well, the judges finally approved her talent and let her move on

See from other contestant, another 16 year old boy named Travis Orlando with smooth voice from Bronx, my favorite kind of voice

It was started with a story about his family and how they survived during the past years and this might be hope for them

then he sang two songs which made them impressed

after the good news, all of his family got into the judging room and praised God

last statement from him

"we've been down as a family altogether but I really wanna do this for them and prove to other people that everyone can do this"

and we got values here

1. to be grateful for anything

2. love one and another as a family

3. other-people-centered life

So what's the correlation with me this time?

well, nothing actually

but no... after watching American Idol this time, I got to be reminded about what's my purpose of life, what's God's promise for me and how to be humbled and surrender wholly to him

and thinking about my future, I'm starting my IBT training today, thanks to the internet

so, that's how you suppose to watch the Idol =D

I'm fine

Like the title above, I am fine

It's been long since I wrote the last post and here I am in the cold winter of guangzhou without heater, struggling to wake up early for winter class everyday

I'm fine at least I'm trying to be fine

yeah, recently we just passed 2010 and now we are in 2011

of course I have my own goal set and resolution this year

but the difference for this year is I wrote what should I do to achieve that

not just saying what will I get this year but how am I suppose to do to get that

and now, pursuing what I'm about to get this year (full of faith mode)

there are so many obstacles in front of me trying to put me down

till now I'm trying so many alternatives I could get so that I can get into the next point

tired? Yes, absolutely tired

from my point of view everything is impossible right now, don't know what to do, don't know who to ask, don't know where to go

just praying to God so that the alternative way may appear

just keep being faithful and loyal to Him

I just want to say that, to believe Jesus is easy but to follow Him, it's challenging

I'll pray whoever read this, you who are struggling to achieve something or praying for something, that you may be strong, stand firm in your faith and keep believing.

Don't just dream it, but live it!

(for the sake of His kingdom)