WARNING: kind of dangerous, but easily understood by melancholic person
Today's topic is melancholy, one thing that troubled me this past couple years
most of the things is about relationship with others, regret and guilt
It started from my first year in campus.... one step after my school era
before that, I crushed on somebody and so sad that we have to seperate
and the most painful thing is we grew in our own beliefs, in a very different way
That was my first downfall and everyday was a battle for me
but then I forgot about it over time due to my works at university
By that time I felt like being a different person, so sensitve and easily broken
I can't use my time as effective as I used to be
oftenly I see people and judged them based on what I've seen and heard
made me feel insecure and lonely
but in the process knowing Him more and more
I can transform that false judgement and interpretation into something useful and inspiring
In this case, I know that the problem was me and I just need to change myself
but......
This is the next case, about responsibility
it's been 3 weeks since the last time I went to church (that's true, 3 weeks)
I don't want to blame anyone, eventhough I was forbid to go
I just started my ministry in a church for 1 1/2 months and I didn't come more than half of the weeks
Well, everybody was so nice to reply my message
There were part of me who wish that they would hate me for that instead of being so nice
I was so desperate and really want to blame someone for this
I really had the opportunity to blame him (my dad) but I know I shouldn't
this really made me depressed and had been thinking about it
last night there were thougt
"Don't worry, it's only about you and Me. Let them be my portion."
and suddenly I felt so peace and I realize that He's so superior, He completed all my incapability
He taught me these times to give the true respond towards anything
sometimes it's hard to follow His lesson
but when I cross to the finish line, all I can see is his glory
Thanks for the process DAD, can't wait to see your next lesson
being melancholy is not as scary as it was, it depends on how you respond to all of your thoughts
and of course sometimes it's too hard for yourself to handle, just remember HIM and He'll solve it all for you =]
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