I lose so that I can win

There are surely so many types of people in this world

Even I'm still learning to know more about it

Simply there are 4 types of characteristic, which are

choleric

likes to order food while everybody is complaining about their stomach

phlegmatic

likes to eat and serve alone

Melancholic

tend to be sad after finished eating in an expensive all-you-can-eat restaurant

Sanguine

love his own world, even in a restaurant --''

Well, I'm not talking about those characteristic this time (*wasting time posting pictures)

I'm kind of talking about humility

yes, what's the relationship then?

Like what I have mentioned before, there are so many types of people

and the kind of people that I recently met are those who are debatable or arguable

well, it's good sometimes to meet them

we can get more informations and more knowledges about almost anything

but sometimes, we can compare them to wikipedia, yes it is

WHY?

Because no matter how false the information, the lack of citation and so many other things

YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT

they are the sole source for most people who don't want to search for more reliable information

imagine people like that.....

You have tried your best to convince him that you know and even you have experienced the things that you explained

but still, he doesn't want to know

eventhough he has the wrong information

he doesn't care and stand still on his perception

I used to join debate competition in my high school years

in the competition, whether we are pro or contra

there is one rule that prohibit us to relate the argument that we give to religion

"every concept of the world has flaw, but His words are solid, like His presence"

So, how do we handle these guys?

there is only one word, HUMILITY

When there's still will inside of you that says," I cannot lose to a like of him "

and trying to win the argue, you're hiding the proud inside of you

because when you humble yourself, you can lose and sometimes you can win

but when you lost, you didn't really lose

you win..... against you pride

2 philippians 2:3

Do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility counts other better than yourselves

the link

It's been 2 and a half months since I left and there are a lot of things in my mind lately, I.....

miss the moments when we study together

miss the moments when we can laugh together

miss the moments when we can pray together

miss the new year's eve together with you guys

miss the moments when we can all-out together for God as a church

miss the moment when I was about to be born again

miss the moments when we can get tired and get fun together

miss the moments when we share things....

I love you all guys, we may afar as flesh but we're connected as mind, as prayers of GOD

I might not know about you guys lately

I cannot be there to support you, cannot laugh together as you succeed

I pray that as soon as we meet again

I can say

Thanks God for you, yes YOU!

hugs,

=Denny Saputra=

a simple statement

Today is the day when the temperature is getting lower

Today is the day when I first saw police in the dorm

Today is the day when all his belongings robbed

Today is the day when he smiled and said:

"eventhough I lost almost everything but I feel grateful that I can see you all today"

nothing is free for me

Like usual, yesterday I went back from gym through the long way behind the campus

and suddenly there were this couple in their middle age

They called me and the husband talked so fast *yeah in mandarin of course

and I heard "huadu" and "wo men yao hui jia"

huadu: a place near guangzhou, approx. 2 hours driving; wo men yao hui jia: we want to go home

Well surely I told them the way to the train station

but they didn't care about that

finally they said "qian" and suddenly there's yelling "BAH!" in my mind

I said I was student and I have limited money to give

and then they said 4 kuai for both of us *total 8 kuai

1 kuai: 1350 Rupiah or 0.7 USD

I opened my wallet and gave my 10 kuai to them

then we went in separate ways

Well, the story ended there

yes, the story ended there but not for me

there is nothing free for anyone of you who took my money away

They have to give me something, but what?

a chance for me to pray for them

When I saw them, they surely were ran out of money

well, I didn't know why

They looked so tired and didn't know what to do but begging for other's money

well, my money maybe would get them back to their house, but how about their life?

I don't know what problem that they got, I only could pray after I walked away

a simple prayer to accompany them

well, I've forgot about this since I was here in China

a good friend of mine once told me about her praying habit

wherever she is, wherever she saw something that she could pray for, she prays

a great God's prayer she is

another great man of God from my previous university also told me about how he lives with God everytime

He said that imagine there's God beside you, when you walked through the way, when you drive your car, when you eat, when you are alone, anytime

There is no spare time for him, He talked with God when he was alone, imagine He is sitting right beside you

that's what I call relationship

Those two lifestyles, I called chained relationship with God

the more you do it, the stronger it will be

When you're alone and you thought that you couldn't stand your problem or the evil's temptation, just imagine He is standing next to you

keep telling you to stay strong because HE'S HERE

Psalm 23 : 4

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me

When you're in a problem

on your way back, you keep grumbling and mumbling

when you're in a grief

you keep crying and pitying yourself

when you're in a happy occasion

you keep laughing and loving each other

We tend to forget God beside us

share your problem with Him, then He will help you get through it

He knows your grief, so hug him and He'll give you joy

share your happy moments with Him, then He will give you even more happiness

keep praying for your surrounding

keep your relationship with him to be stronger

be a God's soldier

=D

I miss you

I miss you, my blog

actually I started blogging from 2006 and I stopped my previous blog because I wanted to start this one

My last blog was very colorful but less values inside

I just viewed it and I saw the Denny that used to be so selfish, so proud, and so unorganized

and most of it is how God really has processed me till the day I live right now

Now, I'm thinking about mixing these two blog concepts into one blog

hmmm.... I think that'd be better

Actually this is a random posts, a spam, but suddenly I was reminded with one of my favorite words of all time, PROCESS

Everything in this world needs process

the catterpillars waits to become butterfly and kids have to be educated till they got matured

and so on

sometimes we equalize process with time

well, yeah like baking process

people sometimes say, "wait till the baking process has done"

but, what has happened in the oven during the baking process, not many people knows about it

that's what we, as food scientists, called process

I watched opening of 16thASIAN GAMES here in Guangzhou and I saw how great this nation is (thanks for today's sermon for approving it)

how thousand of years have they passed to meet these days

how the cookie dough have harden and already too hard to be softened

how the regulations have been greatly made for good

same as human

it's easy for a kid to be filled with so many things

till they get more mature to think about what's good and what's bad

and how the influence had changed his paradigm

I've been learning to be a person with a greater consistency

to spread my root deeper in the God's word

so that I hopefully can change other people

it's like martial artists, when they don't have the good posture, they will be easily attacked by their opponent

and we need the same posture to hit the opponent the most

and finally we can hit so many cookies in one time LOL

process is also talking about praying

there is rarely thing to see an instant reply from a prayer

it needs process

when we're praying for someone, it will be a process for them and process for us too

a process for them when we pray and God hears, they will meet a situation where they are about to meet God and change

a process for us when we don't see any result and tend to give up

"Don't let the world process you with its worldly view, but wait patiently for HIS process, because you never know when or where will it be, just be loyal and faithful"

process is talking about loyalty, faithfulness, endurance and patience

loyalty and faithfulness talking about our relationship with HIM

endurance talking about how long we can hang on to His words

and patience is like waiting the banana till it's fully ripe

well, I think I can elaborate this post more

but I think I can safe it for next time but for the mean time, let's think about our process, how long will it take for us to be fully-baked?

=D

Romans 12:2

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing, and perfect will

/kəˈmjuː.nə.ti/

There are billions of people all around the world

and there's no way we can live by our own

there is something that we call interraction

we work, we make business, we buy and sell things, there is people factor inside

beside that, there is also influence

the way we act, the way we eat, the way we talk

our parents are our first influence and they taught us those things

our first COMMUNITY

We grow up and we meet friends

we interract with them, we socialize and we influence each other

the question is: who are your friends?

I had different friends since high school and I have been experiencing different levels of maturity and depend on the point of view: the POV of the world or from HIS POV

I have tasted what the world is like and how they put their values in my life and I had been living in those life for sometimes till I found the COMMUNITY

it's hard to be re-built with new values. It needs time, process, and humbleness

AND NOW WHAT i WANT TO DISCUSS IS ABOUT THE influence

There are two concepts of influence basically: influencing other or to be influenced

I remember when I was in my high school years, I was so easy to be influenced. I have no base to stand on. Whatever my friend said was very easy for me to put it in my brain pocket

and it took sometime to replace it with the true values

There are so many worldy influences out there, all of them have flaws and they basically want to be the best

and when people is staying in the "world", they tend to be nomadic and be confused between those things

That's why nowadays we could see so many people broke and down, they don't have anything to hold on

in my university life, I met someone that has the true value, the unshakeable one, JESUS

people has their values, they're not perfect like how they were created

but in Him, we stand firm

in Him, there are only one concept: to influence other

because His values is flawless

when we are influenced by Him, we tend to influence other

and that's how the great commission is happening

people tend to influence people when they truly believe what have influenced them

When we live with worldly people, there's no way that we can be influenced, but we influence them

there is no dark that cannot be enlight with even smallest light

but one thing is when we are alone as a light, anything can happen

and we need gas, fire, or battery to keep us alive

we need COMMUNITY

ecclesiastes 4 : 9 - 10

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone and has not another to lift him up!

When we don't have any community around, there are only one way to achieve that

PRAY so that we can influence people around us and more communities will be bear from them; multiplication

"we don't find a community fit for us, but we make the true community, because there are us and GOD"

A story of a believer (1)

I was walking alone today to the gym and like usual I got this idea out of nowhere

to make short conversations than making long explanation.

well, that doesn't mean I hate explaining, but this is a fresh idea I think.

shortly to the story:

A: Hey B, how can you be so rich that fast? I really want to be like you, can you tell me how?

B: hmmm.... so easy, I never so worry about my money, I have been giving some of my money to the church, to the poor, to the people in need, whoever they are.

A: You said you gave your money to other, you suppose to lose some of your money, but how can you get more?

B: Have you ever heard about giving better than receiving?

A: HUH??! Since when giving is better than receiving, I love receiving present, love, or money. I don't really like giving.

B: That's the point. When you receive something from other, what do you think about their feeling? happy? sad? dissapointed?

A: hmmmm.... good question, I think they felt like the way I felt I think...... Felt something lost from them.

B: Yes, some of them could be thinking like that, but the real meaning of giving is different.

When you give, you think about what they need, not what you need. People oftenly expect something back from the people they give. They love so that they will be loved, they give money so that someday they can get something from them. We give so that many people see that we give.

A: That's true, but still, how can you be so rich after giving? Are you a debt collector or something?

B: Let's see

Exodus 23 : 25

"You shall serve the Lord you God, and I will bless your bread and your water, and I will take sickness away from among you"

When you give, means you do God's work in other's life, and at that time, God will do your work. He will bless you more and He'll give you back, multiplied!

A: Oh, I see. Okay, this week I will go to the church with you. I want to give some of my money.

B: Okay, glad to hear that.

It's been a month since A joined B to the church

A: B, you lied! Why haven't I got rich like you? And what make it worst, I am getting poorer!

B: Check your heart, how do you pray?

A: I prayed so that I can be rich like you.

B: What?! Let me tell you this. When you give, you're not suppose to expect some giving back and let the money be used for those who need.

A: I see, okay then, from now on, I'll give you money.

B: Huh? for what?

A: I'll give you money so that every week you can give more, then you can get more. Next time I'll ask my money with the share of course.

B: --''

I N T E R to the net

It's been a week and more that I played so many online games here in China

Well, some of you may know that some of international website are prohibited here, but if it's about something fun, something great, and something ADDICTIVE, I'd probably love to search any information that I can get

and then I played those GREAT games then finally last night I got such a dissapointment, it is such a ridiculous thing to say, but since 10 years of playing online games (part time), it's always ended not in a good way

but last night I had God who become my pillars

He wasn't only reminding me to think clearly, but He also giving me a lesson, a new one

I stucked in an emotion issue and he reminded me in a very soothing way

well, online game is only one of the so many issues around, and now let see how INTERNET can really affect somebody

1. ONLINE GAME

hmmmm..... from where should I start with?

Have you ever watch any movie from the internet? with the screen and the time shown at below of the screen

It shows the duration or the download process

Ever realize that time goes so fast when you didn't see the time given?

Yeah, that is what happened when you played online games

there is no time shown, not even the mini clock on your taskbar

Your time seems to be very short, in the end you realized that you has wasted your days, your weeks, even your months of your life!

Some of the online games provided with a lot of competitions and cooperations

and similar to the real life

we can be happy together, doing the cute or cool game together but there are also clash between the players

well, the more you play, the more you can be in the position where you can get mad because one and more thing

some of them may mention some bad words

and the more you be in that position, the more you are influenced with it

and finally you didn't realize that you has changed even in the real life

how you react towards others and how you talked with each other

because community in online game mostly are not a good one to follow

everyone from many backgrounds exist in the online world

parents may control who'd you interact in the real world but nobody can control who you'd be with in the cyber world

so be careful =D

proverbs 13:20

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companions of fools will suffer harm"

the companions of fool here are men who are immature, who doesn't even know what's good or bad for themselves, so everything that they get, they'll keep it in their mind and let it unite with them; shortly "no filter"

2. DOWNLOAD

well, I love download, download anything!!!!

who doesn't love if you can get anything freely?

this time I don't want to emphasize about the download

but one side effect that internet gave us: "UNGRATEFUL"

why?

*suddenly I thought that I have discussed this some time ago, but whatever

wonder thousands year ago, where there are no fire, no electricity, no computer, no *apple nor *blackberry

people have to do anything by their own, no simplicity

and people may easily be greateful for simple things such as those mentioned

and to make it worst, internet provide you free musics, free movies, free games, free books, and lot more free things

and the more you access into it, the more effect that you will get, because everything's so easy and free

ask yourself: have you been so grateful because you can download a music album from the internet?

compare to: have you been so grateful because finally you can collect your money and buy the music CD in store?

Luke 21:3-4

"Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For they all contributed than all of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

We can compare it with the poor widow's offering. She gave most of her money as an offering for God eventhough she was in lowly life

Now we have everything, we have internet, free stuffs, and so on, the question is: what have you given back?

There are so many things that I don't discuss this time, social website, pornography, and many else

It comes back to you, whether you use this internet to satisfy your need or to use it to maximize and glorify God more and more

the choices are in your hands

so, what else in your tabs and windows? =D

The best medicine

It's been a week since I got this sick

Now I know the feeling of being ill in foreign country

bringing back memory of home where I could get all the treatments and love from my family

Well, last time I went to two doctors, why?

The first doctor didn't even check my body

I said I had coughed a lot then he gave me this prescription

I didn't really know what is written in the box so I asked one of my 老师 (teacher) and he said that all the medicines that he gave were all for allergic (what?!)

and I ended coughing all the time during the class that day

I went to another doctor that day and I brought one of my more chinese-fluent friend to help

and finally I got all the fever and cough medicine that I needed

yeah, finally I could get better in the next few days

can't wait for that

yeah, finally I could get better and better

but still, my cough still in acute condition

I have drunk one big bottle of cough medicine and I stucked in this acute condition

well.....

You know all my posts will always be happy ending, but yeah almost

Before I conclude that, let me tell a few things

1. Disease and illness are coming from our disobedience towards Him

Why?

let me start with this verse

1 corinthians 3:16

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's spirit lives in you?

flashback to few weeks before you got that sickness

what have you done with your body?

have you eaten properly? what have you eaten?

how many hours you sleep everyday?

do you do sport or do you sit in front of the computer all day?

and now.... you get that sickness and telling that God gave the sickness

You said that God want to test you

BAH!

You have been disobedient with Him and what you can get more?

2. People tend to pity themselves

This is the worst thing ever

but shame on me first XD

Why?

Jeremiah 30:15

Why do you cry out over your hurt? Your pain is incurable because your guilt is great, because your sins are flagrant, I have done these things to you

2 Corinthians 7:10

For Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death

Seeing so many people posting their miserable status on social updates really made me think over and over again how people are craving for attention

people's notice and comment sometimes made their heart cheered for a moment but then it went away like nothing has happened

to pity ourselves means that we deny that God exists, really?

Yeah it is

You realize that you are weak and you cannot do anything to drag you away from the problem or sickness in this matter

that's a good start, but the next respond should be like this:

"God, I know I'm weak. I know I can't handle this sickness myself. Even the best medicine in this world cannot cure my illness, but one thing for sure that I know that you are capable. You are the one who strong who complete my weakness. and in the name of Jesus Christ then my sickness now healed"

FAITH

"one thing that absence in your heart in your self pity state"

to end my story....

I kept on telling myself that I am healed

no sickness that can block me from Him

even I coughed a lot, I tried to sing many of worshipping songs

even I was sick, I tried to convince myself that I can survive in the class than staying at dorm

and now my condition has gotten better and better

Thanks to Him, I learned this new thing

Be blessed =D

run till the end

It's not a great night, for my physical condition it is

but there is nothing can seperate my mind from getting closer, closer to God

I just got something about survival

well, it's not because I'm sick and it's about surviving the days

it's common when I'm sick, I get something so precious

and tonight, He spoke to me about loyality and survival

Matthew 25:23

His Lord said to him," Well done, good and LOYAL servant "

We're living in this mean world, full of problems everywhere, full of bad things around us

we're running on lava ground to a very distant point where we don't know the finish point

There are temptation at our right and left side, serving a better way,

not to run but to stay and enjoy the live

but the one who passed the finish line is the one who get everything and left the one who surrender to misery. Still, to help and bring them with you is a must and those who rejected you, rejected HIM.

It's like a running track with God on the helicopter beneath us, He knows the track. It depends on us whether we want to follow Him or not.

I can't wait to see the finish point where He waited me there and hug me, saying, "Dear my loyal servant, everything's fine. You don't have to run anymore because You're already here with me. Thanks for your effort and being a good servant during your way, bringing more people to Me. Now come, let's build the kingdom with me!"

Life stealer?

What a great morning, the sky is greyish colour and the wind is dry because we're about to experience the winter.

I started the day with a simple prayer and long time at bathroom cleaning my throat

I turned on my computer and check my fb, tw, email then my music player and doing a rare thing for me in the morning, worshipping Him.

there is something that God want to speak to me this day, it is about technology

well, to write this blog we need technology

What's inside? battery technology, software technology, lighting technology, what else?

in fact, there's nothing that can seperate us with technology in the world context nowadays

maybe I should seperate this topic into some points XD

1. Imagine black out

There is no light, no air conditioner, no TV, no charging for your handphone, blackberry, iphone, laptop, you name it

We can't run our washing machine, even to iron clothes

We can't cook, ordering from one restaurant is another option for us

when one of the thing that I mentioned above lost its power, we tend to complain

why this and why that?

That's one indication that unconsciously we are bounded by it

but just make a simple statement in our hearts

with or without the electricity, God will provide us anything that we needed

Genesis 1 : 1-3

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said," Let there be light," and there was light.

It is not human who started the light (electricity). It is God who started it and without Him provided for us, there is no way we can get this until today

2. It's all about convenient

Who in this world thinks that technology can make us more inconvenient?

even the simplest think like toaster and hair dryer can make our life simpler than it should be

And then what's the problem?

there's no problem actually but....

imagine if we live in the past times, when there is not even a candle exist in the world

and by the time we transported back here in the present time, there are a lot of things that we can be grateful for

thanks for the transportation, thanks for the telephone, thanks for the water heater

because sometimes I could see people be ungrateful their blackberry service was in service

and keep cursing the provider for not being professional

That's what the world has brought us into

an athmosphere where we would hardly to be grateful

1 Thessalonians 5 : 18

Give thanks in all circumstances; For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you

3. the evil ride

blackberry, iphone, android, and so on you name it

yes, it is about media and telecommunication

I can compare it with mosquito electric net, if you use it properly, it can be used to kill as many mosquitos that disturb you, but if you use it in incautious way, you can shock yourself

extremely, you can find both salvation and death in the internet

Lately I read so many articles about the occultism nowadays in the world

how they use technology and media in many ways

from sport shows to music videos

how they frankly show that they want to brain-wash the youths nowadays

the top sportmen and the brightest actors and singers are the 'players' with the same aim

to be idol, so that they can easily influence people

drag us away from what we believe

Telecommunication can also be stumbling rocks for our lives

Yes, it easier to call our friend, to keep in touch with them, to socialize

but..... the mosquito net theory still applied here

yes, it can make our live easier, so convenient till us forget that there are 24 hours a day, there are 7 days a week and so on

It costs our time with Him, because we have so many friends on MSN or YM to talk with every second of the day

make us tend to rely on human more than Him

the slogan is

" getting closer with someone far and getting farther with someone near "

eventhough we have 24/7 service problem answering phone

Jeremiah 33 : 3

Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know

but we prefer typing status on your social media so that people can pity for you

how we are fooled that we rely the world more than Him who knows what the best for you

Technology is made for us to use it wisely not to waste it

Don't make the creator sad that He had created those things

and most of all, don't make God sad because He let human made those things

Be wise people =D

imperfection

There are so many people in this world who wants to be perfect

They do so many things to make it happen

They go to the gym to sculpt their body

they go to classes to increase their skills

they even do plastic surgery, botox, anything, you name it, just to cover the flaw/imperfection on their face

Yes, imperfection

one thing that I see in every people around me

doesn't care how handsome or beautiful they are

how smart they are, how rich they are, they all looked imperfect

and so I

that's what we are created with and to accept the way it is

There are a lot of times that I compared myself with someone else, thinking that they are a lot MORE than me

but I realized that the point where you pity yourself, there's a gap in you and HIM

as we know, He is the one who made us perfect (beautiful) in many ways

yeah, from HIS eyes, not from people's eyes

because often we automatically got the magnifier glasses in front of our eyes, see every flaws from others

believe it or not, but the way we look to other related to humbleness

often we don't want to admit that someone can be better than us

we have the pride to say," He must be this; it because of this and because of that," than admitting that everybody has their strength

and that is our job also to be brake to ourself, stop comparing things if it's not for the better way

matthew 28:19

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, beptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit

how can we accomplish that if we picky and lot of times blinded by emotion

how can we accomplish that if we don't love people as the lost one and need to be rescued

how can we accomplish that if we don't want to humble ourselves, to be awkward and most of all to love God

=D

land of lost

Today was a great experience to go to a famous mountain/park here. A lot of view and landscapes captured from my and my friend's camera. From the top of the mountain I could see the city, the environment where I live these days.

What a great view from up there, I could see the tallest buildings in this city, which is one of the tallest buildings in the world. Well, I could see how this city is so lively. One glimpse of mine I could think about how great God was in this city. But..... I forgot about some of the things here:

1. Most of the people here are lost

They have their own gods, it's not other religion or any other beliefs, but it is money. Most of them can do anything to get that paper thingy to continue their live.

2. No church for locals

It is almost impossible to take the local people to the church, even for foreigners, it's so strict that we have to bring our passport if we want to go to international church. Thanks God, mychurch is located in the local embassy.

Yesterday I was walking alone through the corridor of one subway train exit and I looked at one girl, sat in the corner, crying and looked so gloomy. One thing that I thought at that time was I wonder if she has Him, what would she respond? It's only one case and there are billion people more who have a chance to face the same thing.

I heard about 13.2 million believers in this country and I thanks Him for that. We still have the prayers to hold this country, as the pillars to stand still. Thanks God it won't be like Sodom or Gomorrah, because He sees there are people there who really have the faith that this place will change and rescued someday

Genesis 18:22

"Then he said, "Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once. Suppose ten are found there." He answered, "For the sake of ten I will not destroy it."

Thanks God for being faithful to us

Papa, I'm back

It's been a 'busy' month for me

to hang around with friends everyday

to stay in front of my laptop till I got slept

to work out in the gym every evening

and the question, what is my aim here?

to get as many friends that I can get?

to be a computer master?

to be a muscle man?

yeah, maybe I can get those things if I do it routinely

but! God ask me, "Where is My portion?"

and I silencely bow down and cry

Today, as I walked at the main road once again, I saw sea of fishes

I saw that they are lost and nowhere to go

and I keep my net in my safety box because I was too busy playing with my computer, doing exercise in the gym even to study all the time

my idol is not Him anymore, it's my routinity, it's my text books, it's my laptop, it's money, and everything that keep me far from Him

You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God” (Exodus 20:4-5)

Yes it is, He is a jealous God and I don't want to be far from Him longer than this, because I don't have any strength, humility, patience to face the world

I'm just a mere human with all the weaknesses

and now, I just want to say,"Papa, I'm back"

Luke 15:20

So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Hmmmmm....

This time I don't really know what to write

My life is tasteless these days, eventhough more laughs and more fun here than in Jakarta

but there's something missing

something really special missing here in GZ

Most of my friends here are pre-christians, approx 80% of them

and that is exactly what I miss, COMMUNITY

Day by day my life filled with study, culinary, and shopping

there is nothing much I can learn here

I was wondering when I was still in Indonesia that I could learn many new things about my God here in China

it's almost 1 month here and nothing really special

anything applied here are the things that I have learned before

I really don't want to walk in the same place over and over again

I have a need to learn more

I need people beside me to strengthen each other

and the last thing is I don't want to waste what I have learnt before

Well I shall not stand there and wait, I have to act something that I have believed

I believe that I'll found one and hope that I got the chance to serve Him even here in GZ

I miss my community so much, I miss my family and I miss my 'family' =]

thanks for the prayers, it has been pillars of my life here

a big sphere full of memories, pictures and scenes - melancholy

I think this post will be the most complicated one

WARNING: kind of dangerous, but easily understood by melancholic person

Today's topic is melancholy, one thing that troubled me this past couple years

most of the things is about relationship with others, regret and guilt

It started from my first year in campus.... one step after my school era

before that, I crushed on somebody and so sad that we have to seperate

and the most painful thing is we grew in our own beliefs, in a very different way

That was my first downfall and everyday was a battle for me

but then I forgot about it over time due to my works at university

By that time I felt like being a different person, so sensitve and easily broken

I can't use my time as effective as I used to be

oftenly I see people and judged them based on what I've seen and heard

made me feel insecure and lonely

but in the process knowing Him more and more

I can transform that false judgement and interpretation into something useful and inspiring

In this case, I know that the problem was me and I just need to change myself

but......

This is the next case, about responsibility

it's been 3 weeks since the last time I went to church (that's true, 3 weeks)

I don't want to blame anyone, eventhough I was forbid to go

I just started my ministry in a church for 1 1/2 months and I didn't come more than half of the weeks

Well, everybody was so nice to reply my message

There were part of me who wish that they would hate me for that instead of being so nice

I was so desperate and really want to blame someone for this

I really had the opportunity to blame him (my dad) but I know I shouldn't

this really made me depressed and had been thinking about it

last night there were thougt

"Don't worry, it's only about you and Me. Let them be my portion."

and suddenly I felt so peace and I realize that He's so superior, He completed all my incapability

He taught me these times to give the true respond towards anything

sometimes it's hard to follow His lesson

but when I cross to the finish line, all I can see is his glory

Thanks for the process DAD, can't wait to see your next lesson

being melancholy is not as scary as it was, it depends on how you respond to all of your thoughts

and of course sometimes it's too hard for yourself to handle, just remember HIM and He'll solve it all for you =]